Awardzzzzzzzz

I think the award ceremonies are all getting a bit predictable now - the fabulous Natalie Portman is walking away with every best actress gong, Mr Darcy is breaking hearts all over the world AGAIN, Bellatrix LeStrange is finally getting the recognition she deserves, Tom Ford is the best designer EVER, Take That are shit hot... yes it's all very deja vu but I'm still tuning into each and every one simply for the joy of the red carpet. However, I use the term 'joy' very loosely when it comes to the monstrosity I was forced to endure on Sunday night for the Baftas. Five words. Kimberly Walsh and Steve Jones.

It was beyond painful to watch their awkward, uncomfortable 'interviews' with people who clearly did not want to be in their company. Individually I'm generally a fan of both. I really like Kimberly for the fact that she comes across as a really nice, down-to-earth girl who just happened to get lucky with Girls Aloud (would you call it lucky?) and doesn't seem all that affected by her celebrity status. And Steve Jones - well, he's hot and he's got a Welsh accent. He's good at what he does on T4 which is take the piss. Something that isn't wholly appropriate for a red carpet event involving actual Hollywood stars.

His interview (30 seconds of sheer agony) with Jesse Eisenberg of The Social Network made me want to cry tears of blood. It was awful. Eisenberg obviously didn't want to talk to him, I think he had no idea who the hell Steve Jones was and couldn't wait to get away from him. Jones' face at the end of their blood-from-a-stone chat said it all. Ouch.

But let's take a look at what was really important on the night. The fashion. I had high hopes, I really did. After the glamour of the Golden Globes I thought, yes, they'll be on top form for the Baftas too. I was wrong. I only hope this was the bad dress rehearsal to the amazing opening night for the Oscars. *Sigh*

Right Hailee... This is yuck. I don't care if it's Prada or Primark - crap is crap. She was easily one of the best-dressed on the red carpet at the Golden Globes but this is bitterly disappointing. Step up your game for the Oscars love or else you're on the fast-track to nowhere.

If you remove the cheap lace from around the edges of this cute little maxi dress by Dolce & Gabbana I'd actually like it. And I don't generally like D&G - I think it's tacky (hence why the lace ruins it) - but there's something about this I like. I must admit I love big floral prints and this is so stand-out on Jameela, the colour suits her skin tone perfectly. In regards to the rest of the 'fashion pack' out on display on Sunday night, this one was probably the second least offensive - I'm just not convinced it's red-carpet attire, I can picture Jameela strolling hand-in-hand down a gorgeous beach at sunset, with an equally gorgeous man in tow, wearing this dress.

Rosamund Pike's fashion sense is almost as good as her presenting skills. In other words, sheer crap. I never thought I'd mutter the phrase 'Thank God for Jonathan Ross'.

Jessica Alba looks fresh and pretty as a picture here - it doesn't say much for her acting skills but really who cares about that when you look like her. I really love the colour of this dress, particularly with her skin tone. It's not amazing but I think I can safely say this was the look that offended me the least on the night.

While this offended me the most. Seriously Sarah Harding, you look like a cheap hooker trying to channel Courtney Love circa 1995. And only Courtney can channel Courtney (Taylor Momsen take note).

Emma Watson - better known as Hermione Granger - I'm not impressed. Two nights, two disasters. It's almost as if she realised where she went wrong on Sunday and decided to go to the complete opposite end of the spectrum on Monday. The first lace-curtain Valentino offering is actually painful for me to look at. You're what, 21 years old? This does you no favours. On the same note, just 24 hours later, you rock up to the Elle Style Awards in this too-short dance apparel cover-up that manages to make you look a lot bigger than you actually are. Find yourself a happy middle ground and stick to it sweetheart. And while you're at it, grow your hair.

Helena actually looked very elegant in Vivienne Westwood (who else) but I think she could have upped her shock factor just a bit considering she was actually in the UK this time. All the same, I think she looked quite lovely so I'm going to say I like this one.

Swiftly moving on the Elle Style Awards, and also taking a look at Cheryl's Brit disaster (sorry, dress), I have to say this - Cheryl, I make it clear on a daily basis how much I adore you. But recently you've been letting me down. I held my hands up and admitted that Dannii beat you in the X Factor style wars but I still had your back. But really, enough is enough. The tramp stamp, the backless, sheer-armed, sequined dress with the thigh high split just screams 'look at me, I'm a single independent woman and I can wear whatever I want'. New flash Chezza - you can't. That crap won't be tolerated in America. If you get the X Factor USA job that is. I've said in the past I'm not a fan of red dresses and the same goes for this. You've managed to make Alexander McQueen look cheap and tacky. Bravo.

Right Fearne. I actually can't stand you and it really grinds my gears that people think you're a style icon - and that you yourself think you're a style icon. You're not. Half the time you look like a clueless hobo who just happened to find a Mulberry bag in a charity shop bargain bin - and the rest of the time you just look like an idiot. This is one of these times.

Karen Gillan - I actually love this outfit. It's so cute and fresh and definitely on-trend. But it's totally not made for the red carpet - this is Saturday night, out on the lash, look-how-stylish-I-am-without-trying-too-hard acceptable. I'd wear this to a gig (minus the high heels) and slosh a snakey B down the front of the blouse. I wouldn't wear it to the style awards.

Lisa Snowdon. Please just go away. You're only famous for dating (and being dumped) by George Clooney multiple times. When were you ever a 'supermodel'? You don't look like one, you certainly don't dress like one and to be honest, I think the only people who've ever referred to you as a 'supermodel' are yourself and the Welsh media.

Finally...the hostess with mostess Alexa Chung. Except I don't think she really did have the 'mostess' on Monday night. I think she looks good in pretty much anything because, let's face it, she's a skinny clothes horse who would literally make a potato sack look stylish. But I hate this outfit. It's horribly frumpy and it's only saving grace is that it showcases the on-trend bare midriff - but even that doesn't work for me because I hate stomachs on show. In a dress. On the red carpet. Call me old-fashioned but the whole point of a dress is to cover your middle area up. If you want to show off your (wonderfully toned) stomach then get your skinny little ass to a beach.

All-in-all? It's been a disappointing few days. I await the Oscars and the red carpet's return to glory with baited breath.